


The Five Stages of Bisexual Grief

by rrattboyy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alisa is so Good, Crushes, Denial of Feelings, F/M, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Yaku Centric, the haibas are putting poor yaku through hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 09:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27469075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rrattboyy/pseuds/rrattboyy
Summary: Yaku has a crush on Alisa. Alisa looks too much like her brother.
Relationships: Haiba Alisa & Yaku Morisuke, Haiba Alisa/Yaku Morisuke, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 3
Kudos: 74





	The Five Stages of Bisexual Grief

Alisa Haiba is gorgeous. If there's one thing that Morisuke knew without a doubt, it was that. She was kind and supportive, smart, and beautiful. How could it possibly get better? Morisuke pulled off his t-shirt, slipping into some sweatpants before flopping onto his bed with a sigh. What he wouldn't give to take her on a picnic in the spring under the cherry blossom trees, and lay between her legs against her stomach. To have her play with his hair, or to kiss her fingers when she did so. Yaku shut his eyes, curling under the covers to continue his fantasies. Playing with long, silver hair and slender, manicured fingers; kissing her jaw rather than her face in the morning as to not mess up careful makeup. Holding warm hands across the table at the ice cream shop after practice; laying in bed on top of a strong chest listening to the rain outside. Watching movies with long arms around him; gentle kisses in the locker room while he plays with soft, short silver hair over broad shoulders.

  * **_Denial_**



Morisuke's eyes snap open. That… wasn't Alisa. Well, it started about her, but she certainly didn't have short hair or a strong flat chest. The heat of silent embarrassment flooded Yaku's cheeks as he picked up his phone, desperate to drive his mind  _ anywhere _ else. He jumped from social media platform to social media platform, article to game, studying app to BuzzFeed quiz, but it was useless. Any thought could start somewhere new, but it would always end up in one place:  _ That was Lev _ .  _ You were daydreaming about dating Haiba fucking Lev.  _ Why? He and Alisa are related after all, was it so hard to believe Morisuke's brain just jumped tracks for a second? Their features are pretty similar. Then again, that excuse fell apart the moment you looked past the face. Most of all, it's the way they  _ act. _ Alisa has tact, she's well-read, socially aware, and much more mature than her brother. Lev, on the other hand, is loud, obtuse, ambitious, and naïve. There's really no way to confuse the two. Still, that didn't seem to bother him in his fantasy. Before Morisuke could even entertain the thought of the tolerable parts of his kouhai's personality, he slapped both hands lightly against his cheeks to ground himself.

"This isn't going to happen. I'm not going to get a crush on  _ Lev _ of all people. I've got enough on my plate, I can't handle a sexuality crisis," Yaku grumbled determinedly, shifting his palms to rub his eyes tiredly. He just had to find something else to focus on. If he didn't think about it, it'd go away, right?

  * **_Anger_**



It did not go away. Morisuke had slept for maybe three hours before he had to get up for practice, and he was  _ still _ doing his best to block out any lingering thoughts of his flimsy sense of identity. In his black practice shorts and grey t-shirt, he knelt on his freshly made bed in silence for a moment before suddenly letting out a shout of frustration. Six quick-succession punches to his pillow later, and he had composed himself, but he really doubted it would last. Thankfully, Morisuke had come up with another solution by the time he reached the Nekoma gym. As a line formed at the sideline by the net and Kenma took his begrudging place next to the ball bin, Yaku would normally take this as his cue to train with Shibayama personally. Today however, he told the libero-in-training to go to the other side of the net to practice receives before he got in line behind Taketora. Upon receiving a confused look from most of the team, Morisuke put his hands on his hips with a scowl.

"What? Do you guys think I need  _ receive practice? _ " he hissed venomously, daring anyone to respond to that. "I wanna try spiking again, for fun," Yaku added, and his teammates seemed to accept it as the drill began.

Yaku could barely jump high enough to pull a successful spike, but he managed to slam a few past his apprentice on the other side of the net. What he lacked in height, he made up for in passion. Every time the ball was sent his way, he summoned all the anger he had for the universe, and pushed it all through his spike before sliding to the back of the line, directly in front of Lev a few seconds later. Watching Lev spike was different now. Morisuke couldn't help but stare at his toned physique and rapidly improving technique. Yaku was nearly taken out by a ricocheting receive from Shibayama in his staring, and all of that anger in his chest increased tenfold.

Lev's innocent, "Yaku-san, are you alright?" did nothing to help Morisuke forgive himself for being so hung up on the boy. Why is he so distracted by the hand on his shoulder? Why can't he just get past this?  _ Oh shit, how long has he been standing at the front of the line? _

  * **_Bargaining_**



Morisuke's fuming had finally calmed to a dull roar in the back of his mind by the time he sat in his car at lunch. A short drive into town with the windows down and the sunroof open was exactly what he needed. Wind blew through Yaku's hazel curls, dragging the tension and problems from his head for a bit. The radio hummed throughout the car, and Morisuke was finally able to just  _ let go _ . That is until he had to stop for a pair of pedestrians. Both men waved in thanks before continuing whatever conversation they were having, their hands linked closely between them. Morisuke's chest ached painfully as the two men looked at each other fondly, sighing as he pressed the gas once again. He set up his homework and lunch at his usual cafe, sulking just slightly. Morisuke eventually abandoned his homework, knowing he couldn't escape the direction his mind was running once again.

It's okay that he was attracted to Lev a bit, right? He's associated with volleyball and looks like Alisa. Morisuke's greatest passion and a beautiful woman. That made sense. Morisuke let out a sigh and shut his eyes in an attempt to expel some stress. Pretty girls and volleyball.  _ That's all it has to be, right? Absolutely nothing is new. _ Yaku liked that. Nothing new, just a different perspective that might distract him a bit. He didn't have a choice, he let it get to the team. Lev could get uncomfortable, or if somebody wasn't alright with the notion that he was gay… it could upset the entire balance of the team! Plus, he wasn't gay. Morisuke still very much found Alisa attractive, and very much liked the idea of being with a woman. Had he even considered-- No, now was really not the time to think about being with Lev, that was a dangerous road to escalation for his  _ 'different perspective.' _

  * **_Depression_**



Morisuke's forehead was growing sore against the leather of his steering wheel. He'd been sitting in the school parking lot for five minutes, and he had to guess he had at least five minutes more before the bell rang. His muscles felt like lead as his grip shifted to hang himself off the wheel with exhaustion. Yaku's eyes fell shut with a sigh. This was too hard, he hated it. Why Lev? He might look like Alisa, but this is plain unfair. He's stupid, and serves as an endless source of migraines whenever Morisuke's nearby. Lev relied on him far too much, and his receives suck.  _ Is that how shallow you are Morisuke? Reducing someone completely down to volleyball skills? He's got to be more than that, you know it. _ Yaku's mind berated him, as the boy melted further into his dashboard. Only he could fall for his  _ kouhai _ of all people try to bring volleyball in to protect himself. God, what would Kuroo think if he found out about this? Morisuke shivered at the thought, groaning as the school bell grated through the quiet of his car.

At afternoon practice, Morisuke couldn't escape. Every time he turned around, Lev was there. It was humiliating, honestly, because Yaku was slow. He didn't let the ball drop, but his sluggishness led to some close calls and eventually he was rotated out of a scrimmage because of it. From the sidelines, Morisuke watched tiredly, catching Lev watching him with worry more than once. How was he so oblivious until Yaku needed to blend in? He at least gets a laugh as the first year gets hit in the head with a receive he wasn't paying attention to. It makes Lev smile, and just about kills Morisuke all over again. Thankfully, the third years were all rotated out for the next set, so he had something else to focus on as well as a forcing reason to school his face into a neutral expression. Then again, while he understood it's important for the underclassmen to get used to playing without the third years, Morisuke wished Kuroo had stayed on the court. He couldn't even begin to think of where he'd summon the energy to deal with his captain today. 

Thankfully, Kai spoke first.

"Are you okay?" were the first words out of his mouth, and Morisuke had to suppress a groan at the question.

"Am I not allowed to just be tired today?! Why do I have to be not okay, huh?" the libero snapped exasperatedly, making Kai raise his hands peacefully.

"Lev keeps asking me like I should know, he says it looks like something's up and he's worried, that's all," he hummed in explanation, turning his attention back to the game in front of them. From Yaku's other side, their captain snorted.

"Our  _ Ace _ is practically in love with Yakkun here, are you kidding? Kid follows him around like a lost duckling," Kuroo laughed, dripping Lev's self-proclaimed title with enough sarcasm to make even Kai chuckle. Morisuke just groaned, whacking Kuroo lightly over the head and scolding him to pay attention to his team.

  * **_Acceptance_**



Morisuke had almost made it to his car without issue after practice. Almost. His favorite issue gently tapped his shoulder, appearing in front of him with a disgustingly worried expression. Lev looked surprisingly controlled, and it was off-putting.

"Yaku-san, Alisa's busy today, can I have a ride home?" the first year asked, looking ready to back off the moment he was told to. As much as Morisuke wanted to tell him to buzz off, that he needed time alone, he didn't even come close to having the heart to say no. The way Lev's face brightened slightly was worth the trouble all on its own. Starting his car, Morisuke realized he kind of liked this, spending time with Lev. Even while worried about his senpai, he seemed to lighten the air in the car.

"You better not have been slacking off on your receive practice today," Yaku teased lightly, giving his teammate a little smile as he pulled out of the school parking lot. Upon seeing Morisuke feeling better, Lev's face lit up like a Christmas tree. 

"Of course, Yaku-san!" he promised quickly, straightening in his seat. 

Morisuke's smile grew slightly as he watched the road. Maybe this wouldn't be awful. It didn't impede his ability to be friends with Lev, and certainly made him enjoy the boy's company more. So he likes a guy. It's okay. Yeah, that guy is tall, gorgeous, and the biggest idiot he knows, but it's okay. Nothing was going to get better if Morisuke kept beating himself up about it. He could figure it out, he just had to be careful with Lev. He didn't want to upset the team, or the underclassman if he couldn't return Yaku's feelings. The libero wasn't particularly fond of the prospect of getting his heart broken either. So he had to be careful, but it was okay. Dropping Lev off that day, Morisuke felt much better.

"Lev!" he called out, rolling down the window. The first year practically jumped towards the sound of his own name, instantly popping his head back into the car. "Give me your phone," Morisuke ordered, quickly entering his number when Lev complied. "Now we can practice after school sometime, you need it," he explained, handing the phone back and trying not to linger on how excited Lev looked at the idea. 

\---

Nekoma won their game that weekend. They fought hard, and it showed. Much to Kenma's pain, Kuroo had called for the team to stay out, and get dinner together in celebration. Most of the team either caught a ride with a third year, parent, or Alisa. The parents didn't stick around, knowing the boys were perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. Well, most of them. Alisa took a seat across from Morisuke at the end of the table, diagonal to her little brother.

"I'm going out of town soon, I wanna spend time with Levochka and his team!" she insisted as Lev whined about not needing a babysitter. Morisuke snorted quietly, ordering his food before slipping away from the group to look at the menu at the bar. His house is just down the street, he could walk if he has to. Plus, he knew that like most places in Japan, the restaurant would probably sell him a drink as long as he could prove he was eighteen. 

As Morisuke looked over the cocktail menu, a familiar voice ordered from only a few steps away.

"A glass of Hakutsuru Sayuri, please," Alisa said politely, slipping into the stool next to Morisuke. At his questioning glance, she added, "Just one, I've still gotta drive my baby brother home tonight." Yaku couldn't help but smile at that, looking back down at the list in front of him. "You guys played well today, I still can't believe some of the receives you made," Alisa praised, leaving Morisuke praying that she couldn't see him blushing. That prayer was brutally shot down as she laughed quietly beside him. 

"Thank you, Haiba-san," Morisuke mumbled, earning a tsk in response.

"Alisa, please. I'm only a year older than you, Yakkun," the taller girl reprimanded gently. Morisuke nodded politely, ordering himself a White Russian to distract from his embarrassment. The cocktail's name brought an instant image of soft silver hair to his mind, and Morisuke couldn't help the bitter frown his face twisted into.

"Hey now, what's that face for? Is there something on your mind?" Alisa asked kindly, lifting her glass of sake to her lips once it was placed in front of her. Of course there was something on Morisuke's mind. The start of something was sitting right next to him. Suddenly, he made up his mind and opened his mouth before he could regret it.

"I think I'm bisexual," he blurted, trying to once again ignore how hot his cheeks felt, "It's a lot to process." Alisa just nodded, unphased by the admission and focused more on Morisuke's mood.

"And ordering a White Russian made that worse? Usually when I have a problem and order a drink, it's the other way around," she pointed out lightly, raising an eyebrow as his drink was put in front of him. Yaku took a deep breath, taking a  _ long _ drink of the sweet cocktail before committing to his truth-telling streak.

"Alisa, you're very, very beautiful you know," Morisuke began, glad that the girl at his side looked flattered rather than uncomfortable before he continued, "I kinda had a crush on you- or something, I don't know what it was, but I'm pretty sure that's what put together for me that--" he paused once again to wrinkle his nose at the raging blush still covering his face as he searched for the words-- "I think your idiot brother is beautiful too."

Whatever reaction Morisuke was expecting, it wasn't this. Pinned in a hug from Alisa, he couldn't do much more than hesitantly hug back and blush into her shoulder.

"Yakkun, you're adorable!" she gushed, ruffling his hair endearingly. "You and Levochka would be so cute together," Alisa gasped, positively beaming. Around her shoulder, Morisuke could see Kenma and Taketora watching the scene from out of earshot, and groaned internally as Kuroo caught his eye and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"W-Well, I don't even know if he likes guys, much less his demon senpai-" Morisuke attempted to rationalize, but was quickly shushed by Alisa.

"Well I'm his sister, and I do know he likes guys," she huffed, crossing her arms in disapproval at Yaku's resistance. "I can help you ask him out! Levochka would never think less of you. He talks about you like you hang the stars in the sky, Yakkun," Alisa insisted, giggling as Morisuke went red in the face once again and tried to hide in his drink

_ So maybe this wouldn't be that bad. He had someone on his team, and nothing left to grieve. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! This was short as heck ik but I dunno I could write an epilogue with wingman Alisa if anybody wanted? Anyways, your comments always make my week, I'd love to know what you think!!!


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